Tuesday, January 29, 2008

3 Tips That Will Help Control Your Child's Behavior

In this article, I find the first tip especially true. I attended a seminar previously and in that seminar there is a saying, "Kids don't do things you asked them to do, they do things on seeing what you do." In other words, kids model after what you do.

Mood, like attitude, is contagious. When you are around happy people, naturally you will feel happy and vice verse when you are around unhappy people. And if you are around negative people, you will be influenced with their negative attitude. Our mind is our greatest asset that we have and we must guide it against any negativity.

You live a stressful life, what with work demands, shopping, paying the bills, friends, family, hobbies and everything else! And now, your child or children are driving you crazy. You come home, hoping to relax and have a peaceful environment, and the kids are out of control. Can't they see you're stressed? Oh, yes, they see. Maybe not consciously, but more on a subconscious level.

TIP # 1--Your Child Mirrors Your Mood

Your child or children pick up on your mood. So, when your stressed, angry, or frustrated, they are more likely to be that way, too. It's not something the child does on purpose, it's a natural reaction. Think about when your husband or wife is in a bad mood. If you're around them for any time, pretty soon you are in a bad mood, too. It works the same way with you children. They receive their cues from you! As difficult as it may be sometimes, it is important, if you want to alleviate the tension and chaos from your household, to project a calm and positive manner to your child.

TIP # 2-- You Are The Adult

Sounds silly, but time after time, I have seen a mother or father treat their child as if they had the mind of an adult. Children, even teenagers, do not have the development of their brain to comprehend completely the consequences of their actions. Children are self-absorbed. They are only thinking of their world, their immediate needs. When a parent gives their child too many choices, or tells them to do something and expects them to 'fill in the missing pieces' of the action required of them, the child is going to be frustrated, fail, act out, or disappoint you. Not on purpose, but because they don't have the knowledge, experience or development to be able to acceptably complete the task correctly or to your satisfaction.

This, of course, stress' you out and you probably take it out on your child. But, think about what happened. Did you explain to your child every step he or she needed to do in order to successfully complete what you wanted? Or did you assume they would inherently know what to do?

TIP #3--Your Child Needs And Wants Structure

Young children to teenagers feel more secure and comfortable with structure and routine. They need to know what to expect and when to expect it. It is reassuring to them. When a child is an environment where activities, schedules, rules routines are constantly changing, the child will constantly be in a state of tension and, possibly, anxiety. Your child will behave in the ways you wish him or her to, when your child has developed a routine of acceptable behavior because you have created that structure and routine.

What this means is that, as hectic and busy as the family schedule may be, you must make an effort to make a structured schedule and stick to it, at least 70% of the time. Dinner at a set time, homework to be completed before fun with the electronic games. Maybe cell phones in a basket until chores are done. If you have been running your family environment chaotic, the change to routine and structure needs to be implemented, not all at once, but gradually. First, family dinner at a set time, then bed time, and so on.

It's not going to be easy or an overnight turn around for your family life to change. Remember, you are the one in control of making it happen. Your children do want to please you! They aren't happy either when they are acting out or out of control. The sooner you start understanding your child's motivation and needs and creating an environment that supports those positively, the sooner your family life will be a joy to come home to.

About the Author, Kate Carpenter: Get over 3000 of all the resources and tools you need to support and help you create a pleasant and happy home at http://www.squidoo.com/GainControl

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